Let’s Talk About Sex, Baby!

Content Warning: We mention Sexual Abuse in this episode.

Today we're going there! We're talking sex, in all its confusing, complicated, hilarious, and healing glory.

You’ll hear:

• How sexual trauma shaped Patti’s early experiences — and her journey toward healing
• Why Jan’s first marriage was a sexual blur
• The myth of orgasming through vaginal sex — only 18% of us do
• Clitoral geography, tantra workshops, and pelvic floor PT
• How shame and silence shaped our stories — and how open conversations are changing that

Whether you're just starting to explore your sexuality or have decades of experience — we’re here for the real talk our mothers missed.

Find resources mentioned in this episode here.

Learn more about this podcast here.

Submit your 90-second lesson/experience here.

Apply to be a guest here.

Stay updated on new episodes here.

*Information shared on this podcast is not medical advice. If you have a concern about your physical or mental health, please seek support from a proessional.

Transcript

Jan: Welcome to things my mother forgot to mention, the podcast where we say everything our mothers didn't. I'm Jan, a trauma therapist and author, turned rogue storyteller here to talk openly about the body aging and all the. Wait, what

Patti: moments

Jan: of womanhood

Patti: and I'm Patty, an online business and tech nerd whose purpose is to elevate the voices of women in our world and who doesn't believe in taboo topics.

Things my mother forgot to mention is the podcast for every woman who's ever said, wait, why didn't anyone mention this to me?

Jan: Join Jan and Patty. Two, outspoken, curious, outrageous women as they dive headfirst into a messy, magical, and often WTF realities of aging health, and quite simply being a woman from rogue chin hairs and vaginal thinning to mental health perimenopause.

In scalp cancer. Yes. Really

Patti: nothing is off limits. It's funny, it's raw, it's real talk. Your mother definitely skipped.

Jan: Let's get into it. Today is a topic that you chose and I figured you could share a lot, Patty, about sex. Yeah. Well, I dunno if I'm

Patti: the one that chose it originally because when I looked at the list, you had sex and sex positions in lubricants.

So, okay, I, you got me, but I was like, this sounds great. I'm happy to talk about this. Uh, but I did choose for it to be the now conversation. So, um, yeah, I don't even know where do we, where do we, where did

Jan: your mom, when did your mom forget to mention these things to you?

Patti: When did she forget to? She still to this day has forgotten to mention.

I mean, I've talked about it with her, but you know, it wasn't something. That we ever really talked about. So here's kind of an important thing, and this is gonna be, I guess, a trigger warning a little bit. So then this is an important thing to share with regards to my, um, sexual, uh, story journey. So I have a history of sexual abuse.

Oh, through my childhood. Mm-hmm. So what that means is, and I'm not going to be sharing about that in particular or anything like that. I'm sharing it because I think it's important to understand that that is what informed and, uh, affected my. Sexual journey, right? Yes. And so I think it's important to share that because there are lots of people that have had that kind of experience.

Yes, yes. And that it does affect how they grow and, and that sort of it. So I just wanna say that that's what shaped, in a way, part of my, my journey. So. Um, well, if I put on

Jan: my, um, therapist hat. Yeah. Uh, which I do, I will do for just one minute. Thank. And that is that, um, and all the clients that I've ever worked with, the ones that have sexual abuse, they've either.

Uh, responded to it in their adult life by being sexually anorexic. Mm-hmm. Or they have responded to it by being sexually way too open and too experimental. Right. And, uh, so those are the extremes. And I know it's a very sensitive topic to just start doing that healing journey, but I totally get it. I, I, I appreciate you saying that

Patti: right off the bat.

Yeah. Yeah. And it's true. I mean, growing up, that was always something I always heard too, is that. Oh, if you've experienced this, you're either gonna be really promiscuous or you're gonna be a prude. Right? Those are like the, the terminology and the things I heard kind of growing up. If I had to choose one, I leaned a little more prude in that way, but for me, it wasn't, it was a, a discomfort with people in my physical space.

Right? So. For me, although I did like, I think at the first time I kissed, like made out with somebody, I was maybe like 13 or something.

Yep.

Patti: But I didn't actually Yeah. Have sex with somebody like full all the way until I was 24. Um, wow. Yeah, because it took me a while. That makes total sense. Yeah. It took me a while to trust somebody to trust, to feel safe and yeah.

And which we kind of mentioned a little bit in. Our episode on relationships. I wasn't like a na, like a natural beauty, just because I was, I mean, I think I'm cute, but like put yourself in the back for that one. It's all that matters. But like, I didn't have a body that was considered super attractive or anything.

Right? So I wasn't somebody that. Was being sought after necessarily. So it was easy for me to just sort of, you know, hide. And I had a really pretty, um, my best friend, every, all the guys wanted my best friend. So I was like the, you know, sidekick kind of person. Sounds right. Yep. Mm-hmm. It fit really well for me.

So, so my experience was sex then. Not really until I was in my twenties. So, but because I, I think because of my experience and kind of the, the history that I had, it's not something my mom wanted to talk about or thought to talk about, maybe. Right. Um, 'cause it probably felt uncomfortable for her. Mm-hmm.

Um, to talk about it and then. Additionally, so this is, I don't know if this is a TMI or not, but I'm doing it anyway. So, um, but related to kind of my history when at one point, you know, you have to go through a lot of, like exams and things when you have like right. Reported and whatnot. And so at some point they're like, well, you have a lot of scarred tissue, so it's gonna be incredibly painful when you have sex the first time and we suggest you have surgery first.

And I was like, what? What? Yeah. What? That's what I said. So then I was kind of afraid. To have sex anyway. And so, I mean, I didn't get the surgery. I went for it and it was fine, quite frankly, like it was probably the same as I hear everybody else say. So thankfully I didn't go through the whole process, but that kind of added this layer of like, oh, who said that?

A gynecologist who was a gynecologist. Yeah. And probably a male doctor. Right. I think it was a woman actually. Really? They were really good about making me go to women when I was seeing doctors. Oh, good. For my comfort. Yeah. As a kid. That's great. And teenager. So, um, but yeah. Right. It was really fascinating that they were just like, you'll probably, I'm like, well, I don't know if you're like trying to teach abstinence here or what.

Jan: Never heard that before. Wow.

Patti: Yeah. Yeah, it was really interesting. So, um, so by the time I kind of went all the way, um, I really didn't have praise.

Jan: I'm going all the way to all the

Patti: way I'm giving my flower away. Um, it was with somebody that I had been friends with. He was actually my roommate. Um, and we ended up being in a relationship for.

12 plus years after that. But, um, I will say I did, we had an open relationship, so I did get to explore a little bit with other people and he kind of wanted that because I think he was like, I don't wanna be your only person and now we're together and this is the first time you're exploring. And I was like, cool.

But I pretty quickly was like, nah, I'm a monogamous person. So that was a lot of download of information for you. But that's sort of, sort of for me, and I just sort of, yeah, TV I guess friends.

Jan: Yeah. I learned well, well, for me, I, I mentioned this before when I was growing up, is that my mom, of course, uh, scared the beevus out out of me.

Yeah. Because she said, you know, her first child died and God was punishing her because she had sex before marriage.

Mm-hmm. So.

Jan: When I, I remember, and maybe we'll talk about this in our puberty in coming of age, uh, uh, podcast, but I remember once I started my period, my dad was really watching me all the time.

Whenever I'd bring a boyfriend home, he'd listen on the intercom whenever we were down in the basement. Really? Yes. And whenever we were on the porch and the boyfriend was saying goodbye to me, he would be peering out of the window, you know, making sure everything was all right. So my mother, and between my dad doing that, it set me up for, uh, uh, you know, I'm not gonna have sex until I'm married.

Yeah. And I was, uh, the pretty girl, the homecoming queen. Yeah. Who everybody was after, but I, they called me, uh, iceberg. Because, no, yes, it was because my last name of course, is Bergstrom, right? And they call me the iceberg. So I got a reputation for that, not the loose girl in the, in the high school. It was iceberg.

So, uh, that kind of carried me through till I got to, um, my first marriage and. I think I'm in total denial, and maybe I'm dissociating, but I don't remember anything about that as far as, uh, having, being sexual with my first husband. So, yeah, like you don't remember your first, you, you don't remember losing your virginity?

No, I don't. I was probably dissociated or something. Yeah. It was like a nightmare or something for me. But again, that's a whole nother story as to how I married this guy who was a minister and what I was doing anyway. So, but once I, uh, got divorced, uh, then I was kind of out on my own and I was a flight attendant and so everything was available to me.

So, uh, you know, I experimented with all the different people I'd met and having three boyfriends and, um, who I lived with each one for two years. Learning things, but now it brings me up to getting married when I was 37 to my current husband of 35 years. And one of the things that we've done in, um, our, you know, it's been an up and down thing.

When you have kids and, and you're going through perimenopause and menopause, your sex, sex really changes. And so one of the things my husband came up with, which was really interesting, was going to a tantra workshop. Oh, have you ever heard of those? Yeah, I've heard of 'em. Yeah. Yeah, so I had never heard of it and we went to it and I would say, I would give it a thumbs up.

I was a little, uh, nervous about going. Had a little anxiety.

Yeah. But

Jan: it taught me a lot about, um, you know, rather than people telling me or. Experimenting and trying to figure it out. They, they teach you everything about anatomy and positions and everything. So, uh, that was a good learning experience. And, uh, that's kind of currently, you know, still, that's what I mean by using different kinds of, uh, uh, what is it not, um.

They're lubricants. Yeah, that lubricants that are pH sensitive to the vagina is really important and, um, how to not have painful sex. And so, and then of course, birth control is a whole nother area that you start looking at, but, uh, that's kind of been my foray of learning about sex because my mother never.

Mentioned anything about being sexual. Yeah. Because my mom and dad were really into, uh, keeping track of me and making sure I didn't do that.

Patti: Yeah. Yeah. It's so funny. I had such a, the opposite experience in that way of like, I had, I mean, I kind of was hanging out with some boys and stuff when I was in.

School a little bit here and there. And there was one guy that I was hanging out with a lot, which I mean, for all intents and purposes, he was kind of my boyfriend and, but my mom didn't really care. Like we would be in my room with a really closed and yeah, we would make out and stuff like that a little bit.

But, um, she didn't seem to, she didn't seem to bother. Now were your parents divorced, Patty? Yeah, my parents got divorced. And you were just living with your mom? Yeah, so I was living with my mom. She was a single mom at that point. And you had siblings, sisters, or brothers? I had brothers. So I had two brothers.

One was living with me and at that point, one was in the Navy. So I had my own room, but my mom. But you were the only girl? Uh, yeah. I've always been the only girl. Mm-hmm. Yep, yep, yep. Middle only girl. Yeah. So, you know, I don't think she, I just think she wasn't, I, I think she was really busy, you know, kind of providing and.

Also, I don't think she just, maybe she wasn't worried, which she didn't need to be, obviously, because I still wasn't ready, even though he was pushing and I was like, eh, I'm good. Like, no, you know, 'cause it just was, you know, for me too much. But it wasn't so like when I, so. You know, started being with my long-term partner that I had been with for a long time.

He kind of, after we were together for a little bit and I got over, like in the beginning I had like flashbacks and things like that, and he was really amazing about all of that, um, at the beginning. And so we would put the lights on and things like that until I got used to it. And then I was like, but that's when I was like.

Yay sex. Woo hoo. Why did I wait so long? You know? So at that point I was good. And then he got like a little book that was like a book of positions and things. He's like, oh sure, try. And I was like, cool. So that was, I was able to start exploring with him. That way. And we always had, which I really love, like a really strong communication and very open communication about all of that.

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. So I felt, because even in the beginning, I was so still sheltered myself in that way, that when we first had sex, like I couldn't even say the word. Like, we had sex. You know? Like I think at some point he was like, shame associated with it. A lot of shame. Yeah, a lot of shame. I'm still in therapy right now dealing with that.

Like currently that's.

Jan: That's what our parents need to do for us. Right. They need to have a fun for our therapy. Totally. And you say for your, your son's therapy later on in life. I know. Oh my gosh. Yeah. What you and I have that in common. I have two brothers and I'm the middle girl. I'm the only girl.

Sounds great. That's, I didn't know that we get

Patti: along so well here. No, there you go. That was it. But yeah, so we learned a lot, just like I learned a lot just by experimenting and talking things through. And we went to, so I was in San Francisco and they had this really amazing, um, woman owned sex store in the neighborhood I lived in.

Oh,

yeah.

Patti: And so we went there and they would hold workshops and things, but first we would go there together and look at toys and various things and just try stuff. And so it was really fun because we were, it was like a really safe, open way for me to, to learn that. I mean, like, my shame around sex now is different.

It's. Than, than just sex itself. Mm-hmm. And so, because I got through that kind of with him, which was really phenomenal. It was so fun just to learn about that. But here's how much I didn't know about, oh, here we go. My anatomy. So my partner, he grew up with, uh, his mom was a nurse and his grandmother was a nurse.

So he was familiar with, and he was, you know, was very familiar with everything. So some conversation I was having with him and I was talking about how I peed out of my clitoris and he was like, wait, what? No. Yeah, no, that is not correct. Right. And so my first boyfriend that I was having sex figured out what that was, had to tell me what my anatomy was.

Yes. Because my mother had told me that is something she had told me. Was that I urinate out of my clitoris. And so, and I remembered it because I was talking to my brother when he was like home from the Navy and was off playing and having a good time or whatever. And I see he said something about. Yeah, I dunno.

Boundaries weren't great at that point. And he was saying something about going out with these women. I was like, well, you know, they pee out of that, right? And he was like, they do. And I was like, well, that's what mom told me. And we, I don't even know if he believed me at that point or how long he held that, but I sure did until my boyfriend told me otherwise.

And then I learned Uhhuh

Jan: that we had, well, your mother forgot to mention the right thing there.

Patti: Yes, she sure did.

Jan: Oh my gosh. Yes. I know. I have a friend who I was talking to about that. Her name was Susan, and, and she, she says that that's, she squirts outta that, and I'm like, wow, Susan. So Patty, isn't that great?

See, that's the tantra workshop. They give you the anatomy, they have pictures, they have books, they give you films. They, you know, and it's not, it's not porn. Right. It's actually helpful information. Educational. Yeah. Which is really, I'm really in favor 'cause porn. Is not great. I don't, I think it objectify people and it makes it look like a really false sense of connection.

Yeah. It's not realistic in most cases. Yeah, absolutely. It's just not, nobody is built like that and has a penis that big anyway. No. Well, oh dear. Well, it's all about trying to find health, and I think that that's one thing I would like to mention in this whole episode of, um, of sex and sexual positions and finding out about your, you know, that you didn't pee out of your glori.

It was, it was actually, it's considered lubricant, isn't it? Is there a

Patti: name? I can't remember what they call that. When you naturally. Like, oh, your natural lubricant you mean? Yes. That I don't know what that's called. Yeah, I can look that up. Look it up. Yeah, because it's in some of my books that I have.

Well, why don't we pause and look it up right now so that we can give the proper information, so like, yeah, let's do it. What is. Female. I should do this on a safe search. Female natural lubrication. The wolf it, it's not giving me a name. Exactly. So here's what it says, female natural lubricate. Lubrication is a combination of bodily fluids, primarily, uh, mucus from the.

Bartholin's gland. Yep. Mm-hmm. Cervical mucus and a plasma transudate. I don't know what that is from the vaginal walls, this lubrication is crucial for sexual arousal, comfort during intercourse and reproductive health. These, these locate, these, uh, glands are located near the vaginal opening and they secrete the mucus that helps lubricate the vaginal walls.

There you go.

Jan: Wow. So that's interesting because I, I'm gonna, I would love to go upstairs and see my book. 'cause I remember talking to my friend Susan about it, and she said that that happened to her too. And I thought it was something else, but, uh, called something. Are you

Patti: talking

Jan: about the squirting? Yes, the squirting.

Patti: Oh, see, now that's different. So this is just like when we're ready to go, that's how that happens, right? Mm-hmm. So what is it? What happens? Because it's not urine. A lot of people thought think that it's No, no, it is not. Urine misconception. No, it's not. Um, when you, my Google history, y'all is gonna be real great what happens.

But we should do it on chat. GPT. That that's gonna help. Uh, okay. So squirting and the context of sex. I hope everybody loves this episode squirting and the context of sexual activity refers to the involuntary expulsion of fluid from the urethra during arousal or orgasm In some individuals with vulvas, um, the fluid release is sometimes called female ejaculation.

While research suggests. Just female ejaculation.

Jan: That's what it is. It's female ejaculation. It's not urine. It

Patti: often contains components of urine and possibly secretions from glands underneath the urethra. Um, but it's just considered female ejaculation.

Jan: Yep.

Patti: Yeah. There you

Jan: go. Now I have been going to this, uh, pelvic floor.

Uh. Pt, physical therapist, and she is amazing and it's all hands on. And so she's working with, 'cause I have a couple incisions on my, um, my body, like more than a couple. And so she works with the fascia underneath. So on my belly, like in most massage therapists don't really touch, you know, areas like your well.

Most, let's say hopefully most of the massages don't touch other areas. Right. And, and she also works internally. So she goes inside of me and she can identify each muscle, all the muscles that go into the pelvic floor. And she said that, you know, that has a lot to do with the muscles that are. Used during sexual intercourse and orgasm.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. And so it's fascinating because, uh, it, it's so important. Uh, I was just thinking, gosh, we're so complex.

Yeah. Sex

Jan: is not just, you know, I mean, I think when you're younger, it was just, sometimes it would be, you know, when I was younger, I'll say, not you, uh, I was this, you know, experience. You'd have, you'd meet somebody and you thought this was the person you couldn't, you know, keep your hands off of each other.

Right. Yeah. And so you didn't really think about like, what does really causes this and creates that and how do you, you know, enter this and enter the penis and all that stuff. And now as you get older, you know, you learn more about it and it makes a lot of sense. It's pretty com. It's. It's, it's pretty complicated in some ways, you know?

Yeah. All different parts. My husband still can't figure out all the different parts that come with the vagina. He's like, now, what are you talking about now? What's the thing that, you know, where the baby comes out? And I go, well, that's a uterus. And then there's the cervix, and that's what opens, you know, I'm always trying to explain to him different things.

And of course he forgets so. Yeah, well

Patti: I guess if you don't have it, but Yeah. But it is, it's complicated. There's a lot of moving parts there. Yes, exactly. Yeah. And I mean, well look at that. I mean, the reality being like how many people don't know like that I didn't even know my own, you know, anatomy. Um, and thankfully I was with somebody who had mother and grandmother as nurses and were from, or yeah, maybe some other way he would've gotten there, but.

That knew that. Right. That knew the anatomy. And so I think, you know, that's a really good thing. But, so,

Jan: so maybe we should think of resources. So resources was, um, I mean, like I said, that tantra, I mean there are different. Uh, you have to be careful of the Tantra workshops you look at and get the history of who's teaching 'em.

Um, my friend Kim, who's a therapist, she knows a lot about different, uh, workshops that are, uh, tantra based. And David, the two people that visited us. And I was thinking of for you, you said you went to a store, so how do you pick a good store? Yeah. Or that would give you good information rather than, you know, in the back of, you know?

Yeah. Matchbook or something,

Patti: right? Yeah. Well, I think researching who owns the store. I think when you can find female owned, that usually tends to mean that they're a little more conscious of things. You know, being in San Francisco it was a little easier to find those sorts of resources. So, but especially if you're in smaller towns and that sort of things, I think it's, you know, looking for those types of places and just researching who owns them and learning a little bit about them.

However. I will say that, and it's been a long time since I've really frequented them, but there are a lot of online shops too. Adam and Eve. It is a very reputable online source where you can get whatever you might want or need. Um, even Amazon nowadays, you can order lube and vibrators and things like that mm-hmm.

If you want them. So, um, but yeah, I would say don't be afraid because there's so much information out there. And because people are more and more. Less afraid of speaking about sex. Therefore they're less afraid about, like, I had a friend who. Um, they actually reviewed sex toys and got paid to review sex toys.

Oh, wow. They'd get them sent to them and then they would try them out and they would write reviews. And so there are people out there that are doing this and that are sharing that information. So don't be afraid to read reviews if you're looking for something and try different things. Here's the other thing I wanna say and, and hopefully this is okay to talk about, but we're already talking about all the things, but like, I think orgasms is.

Something that a lot of people and, and your my mother didn't mention. Oh my gosh, sure. And I think a lot of people don't, and I mention this because very recently I was talking to, um, some friends of mine and one of them was noting that she can orgasm through, um, vaginal intercourse alone. And she's like, I know it's really weird and my sister can't either.

And I was like. That's actually not weird at all. It, the reality is that the, the percentage, the, the, the majority of women cannot mm-hmm. Orgasm through. Um, intercourse alone like they need Yeah. Stimulation. I wonder what percentage that is. Yeah. Yeah. It's high. It's high. It's, I think probably like I should look it up, but it is definitely a high percentage, the majority of women.

So I think there's those ideas and porn gives that idea, right. Sometimes that looks like women are always just coming everywhere and it's so easy to have an orgasm when nobody screaming and yelling and all that stuff. I know. Yeah. And, and so I think there's a lot of misinformation when it comes to that and that.

Everybody is different with what gets and they start feeling

Jan: shame 'cause there's something wrong with me. So, Patty, can we just pause for a minute? Yeah. Can you look that up? I'd love to know the percentage of women. Yeah. Wow.

Patti: What? Uh, that's bonkers. 18% are able to orgasm from vaginal intercourse alone.

One eight. Yeah, that's it. Mm-hmm. According to a study from News Medical and the National Institute of Health, that's reputable. Wow. Huh? Another third of women prefer clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm during intercourse. Right. So then there's people who need both. Who Like both. Yeah. Mm-hmm. And some who are like, doesn't matter, just clitoris only, doesn't matter.

That's what's gonna get me there. So whatever else is happening. So some people need both, but 18% of women. Can, can orgasm from intercourse, vaginal intercourse alone. Wow. So it's very low. So I think this is one of those things, and people joke about men not knowing where the clitoris is and all of that.

Right. That's a real problem. Yep. When you know, here's another thing is that historically speaking, there were cultures that believed that female orgasm was required for conception. The idea was that both men and women had to orgasm when they were having sex in order. For their fluids to mingle together and that would create conception.

Oh really? And over time, as science got better and they began to understand the, uh, physiology of women's body, they. In the, like late 19th and early 20th century, kind of stopped focusing on female orgasm as a necessity for conception and started focusing just on the physiology of conception, and it became this idea of like, an orgasm is really fake or it's just not something that's necessary, so why should we deal with it, right?

Or. Then women started faking it because they felt bad. Because I can't, I can't orgasm without anything. And so I'm, I'm, I'm wrong, so I better fake it. Um, so I think that's a really big thing that's important to remember.

Jan: Right. And they never get pleasure out of it. Yeah. And it can be a very pleasurable thing and.

Experience actually, and very intimate. And you know, Pia Melody used to always say, she goes, the problem with today, and this is her, you know, like 10 years ago, she said, is that everybody treats having sex with someone like a handshake. Mm, mm-hmm. You know, that it, it's this wham bam. Thank you ma'am. And rather than really, uh, and I think that's what we're kind of focusing on now, is it doesn't need to be pornography.

It doesn't need to be faked. It needs to be an intimate relationship where two people work to mutually talk about what works for them, what doesn't work for them, and how do they learn about it, and how can they create. That kind of practice in their relationship. It's not just about, you know, going along and doing a one nighter here and there, you know?

Yeah. Um, that, that I think really cheapens, uh, sex, but some people prefer that, you know? Yeah. And that, that's

Patti: fine too. Yeah. To each their own. That's fine too. But I agree. I am, I've learned over time, like I said, in the beginning of my relationship, I had sort of an open relationship and so I, I enjoyed kind of seeing like, okay, well that's, now I'm like, woo, let's try this out and see what it's like.

But pretty quickly for me, I recognized that I am, and I believe there are people who aren't, and that's fine. But I am a monogamous person. Like Yep. Energetically, for me, I, it takes so much energy to deal with just me, let alone another person. And then on top of that, if I were to have, like, it just doesn't work for me and that's okay.

And so it if for me is something I. But,

Jan: well, that's, that's, this is where, I mean, uh, I'm putting my therapist hat on again. Yeah. Sorry about that. But I've worked with couples that are polyamorous. Mm-hmm. Okay. And you know, I am also, I could have never, I could never be in that kind of arrangement, right?

And these people really did. They had certain limits and boundaries in how they set it up. And they had 1, 2, 3, and they spent two days with this person, two days with this person. And they worked it out. I to a certain extent, and that's fine. People can do that. I also am monogamous and I think that the work when you're polyamorous is harder because you're dealing with, you know, someone spending time and you're talking about boundaries, and if you don't have boundaries, it gets crazy and all your material from the past comes up.

So. Um, monogamy, um, is my way too. And I think that it's more challenging in a relationship like of 35 years. Yeah, okay. How do we keep this alive and refresh? And, and I certainly have struggled with that and. I was just thinking before we end, one of the other resources is, um, is really important and a friend of mine used to work there.

Planned Parenthood? Yes. Oh, planned. Planned Parenthood. They have books, apps, educational. Mm-hmm. Videos. And they're all te tailored. To help young adults and teenagers even to really

Patti: absolutely understand what's going on. So yeah, important to note with that, that the per, not to get political, but the percentage of abortion work that they do is extremely, extremely tiny.

And the majority of the work that Planned Parenthood does is so important. I didn't have, um, insurance in San Francisco for a very long time, and I went to Planned Parenthood for all of my past. That's great. Teachers great. Yeah. And my everything. And so, yeah. Like it. Huge, huge. Yeah. Planned Parenthood is a phenomenal resource and you can trust anything that they're putting on their website for resources.

Um, but I think don't be afraid to read books. Don't be afraid to, uh, talk about it with people you feel safe and comfortable talking about it with. Mm-hmm. Um, because I think that that's one of the, the topics I think in our society that is one of the most taboo topics that I think is one of the most dangerous to be taboo because it makes us.

Feel more shame and it makes us feel more alone and crazy. But we all enjoy sex. We're not the ma. Vast majority of us enjoy sex. It can be healthy, it can be enjoyable. You can do all sorts of things and explore and do whatever, but like

Exactly.

Patti: There's so much to it, and I think the more we are comfortable to just talk about it, the better it is for everybody.

The better it is. Exactly. For

Jan: sure. All right. Well, gosh, I think we've exhausted this for now and thank you. Yeah, for another great. Ray Parte, I guess is what this is. Thank you, Jan. Thanks for talking about Sex with me. Okay, thanks Patty. You too. Thanks for listening to the podcast. If you like what you've heard, please share it with friends,

Patti: subscribe and leave a review.

And remember, information shared on this podcast is not medical advice. If you have a concern about your physical or mental health. Please seek support from a professional.

Jan: If you have a story you'd like to share about things your mother forgot to mention, you can apply to be a guest.

Patti: We'd also love to hear a quick 92nd thing you've learned in your life.

You can find links to both of those over at our website at things my mother forgot to mention.com or in the show notes. Thank you.