Teaching Teens What Their Parents Forgot to Mention with Dr. Tracy Meyer

In this episode, we’re joined by Dr. Tracy Meyer—a psychology professor, mom, and longtime educator who’s spent over 20 years teaching young adults about sexuality, development, and the things lots of mothers forgot to mention.

We talk about the gaps in sex education, the myths still floating around, and how we can all do better—whether we’re raising kids or trying to understand our own bodies.

Here’s what we cover:

• What many young adults still don’t understand about sex and anatomy
• The surprising impact of using correct language for body parts early on
• How to start age-appropriate conversations about puberty and sex
• Why shame-free education leads to healthier kids (and adults)
• Resources we wish we had growing up

Dr. Meyer brings practical, thoughtful insight—with a good bit of humor—into how we can raise more informed, confident kids…even if we’re still learning ourselves.

About Dr. Tracy Meyer:

Dr. Meyer has been a psychology professor for over 20 years. She is married and has two children, a 17 year old daughter a12 year old son. Her research interests are in sexual harassment and gender microaggressions against women.

Resources and Links:

• It’s Not the Stork (book for children)
• Our Bodies Our Selves
• Planned Parenthood

Find resources mentioned in this episode here.

Learn more about this podcast here.

Submit your 90-second lesson/experience here.

Apply to be a guest here.

Stay updated on new episodes here.

*Information shared on this podcast is not medical advice. If you have a concern about your physical or mental health, please seek support from a proessional.

Transcript

Jan: Welcome to things my mother forgot to mention, the podcast where we say everything our mothers didn't. I'm Jan, a trauma therapist and author, turned rogue storyteller here to talk openly about the body aging and all the. Wait, what moments of womanhood 

Patti: and I'm Patty, an online business and tech nerd whose purpose is to elevate the voices of women in our world and who doesn't believe in taboo topics.

Things my mother forgot to mention is the podcast for every woman who's ever said, wait, why didn't anyone mention this to me? 

Jan: Join Jan and Patty. Two, outspoken, curious, outrageous women as they dive headfirst into a messy, magical, and often WTF realities of aging health, and quite simply being a woman from rogue chin hairs and vaginal thinning to mental health perimenopause.

In scalp cancer. Yes. Really 

Patti: nothing is off limits. It's funny, it's raw, it's real talk. Your mother definitely skipped. 

Jan: Let's get into it. Hello, Jan. Hey there, Patty. How you doing today? I'm good. How are you? I actually, I'm doing, 

Patti: uh, quite well. Thank you. It's exciting. It's, it's almost September here and I'm very excited for that.

I'm not that it's gonna get cooler here, but you know, I can pretend. That's 

Jan: great. I've been off, I, I've been flying around and just got home the other day I was in Cincinnati and then I went to Chicago and then I came home. So just a little brief seven day trip. Yeah. And then you're 

Patti: are, do you, for next month you, are you traveling again for your uh, by workshop for level three?

Um, level 

Jan: three going to Nashville. So I'm getting ramped up 'cause it's fall. Yeah. There you go. 

Patti: All the workshops are coming. 

Jan: It is, yeah. It gets a little intense, but yeah. 

Patti: Yeah. But you're a pro at this. Um, but today I'm super excited because we, our last episode was on coming of age and today we're gonna kind keep going down that road.

But we have a guest with us today to talk about coming of age, and it happens to be my sister-in-law of 21 years. And, uh, she, her name is Dr. Tracy Meyer, and I will tell you a little bit about her. Dr. Meyer has been a psychology professor for over 20 years. She is married and has two children, a 17-year-old daughter and a 12-year-old son.

Her research interests are in sexual harassment and gender microaggressions against women, and she is a professor at a local community college here and has been for many years. And some of the classes that she teaches, which we're kind of gonna talk a little bit about. Our human sexuality and lifespan development, which makes her, um, have such a very interesting interaction with, uh, young adults that are starting to come of age and that have come of age and sort of, uh, her unique experience of working with people like that and what, what they've learned.

So, welcome, Tracy. Hello. Thank you for having me. Yeah, thanks for being here. Um. So if you would like to start by, you know, sharing a little bit about yourself, anything you want to, or if there's anything you wanna share about your coming of age personally that your mother forgot to mention, or that you've learned, or you know, anything like that.

Tracy: Well, definitely when your parents are, were baby boomers. There wasn't a lot of talk about this stuff. Um, when I got my period, the first time I remember I, I was upstairs and I yelled for my mom. She was dying. We had company over, so I was like even more scared. We told, like, I was like, I think it happened.

And then she, then my mom decided to give me like a brief overview of like tampons and pads really quick. And like the tampons scared me to death. And I was like, I don't wanna do that one. And she's like, all right, I just use this pad. And she just left. And that was pretty much all that. Yeah, that was it.

That was, that was my one and only, uh, thing about it. Um, uh, I, one other thing that sticks out to me, I remember at one point, I must have been maybe 11 or 12. Maybe I was younger, I don't know, but I, I was at the doctor's and they, you know, and for some reason I was, didn't have anything on, I just had on like a little gown and was a male doctor.

And I remember he like peeked underneath the gown and he said, oh dear. Oh yes, she has her breast buds. And I remember being so confused like. My breast buds. Whoa, I've never even heard that before. Breast buds. Yes. It's, it's like the before boobs. Yeah. Yeah. So, okay. It's like your trainer boobs. Yeah. 

Jan: But you know, the way he referred to 'em, and of course then they didn't, was your mother in the room or no?

Yeah. 

Tracy: Yeah. But that was just it. I was just like, that, that's just all there is to that. That was, there was no other conversation about it ever again. So it was, um, yeah, and I was never, you know, really told about, uh, birth control or anything like that. I mean, I knew enough about it to know that I needed it if I was gonna be having sex.

And, you know, us Gen Xers were, you know, we were in the Wild West, so I literally would, I just called the doctor myself, made the appointment, went in, had my first. Pap smear and got, got my birth control, like my parents knew nothing about it. I just just went into Wow. When I was That's, wow. How old were you, 

Jan: Tracy, when you did that?

Huh? How old were you? I believe I was 16. Well, and they let 16 year olds go in and get birth control? Yeah, they did. Oh, California. That's a different, I'm not sure. Oh, I should say you're in California. Oh, 

Tracy: that, yes, I was. I was born and raised in California. I didn't move to Texas. Okay. I just say in Texas, I can't 

Jan: imagine them doing that in Texas.

Tracy: Yeah, no. Uh, I just actually had my daughter, her first appointment with an ob, GYN. Mm-hmm. I will be going with her and Good. She's 17, but also, I don't even think if she would know how to do that. 

Patti: Mm-hmm. 

Tracy: Like 

Patti: it's, yeah, it's a little different time. Yeah. Like you said, it's, it, it, it was different then than it is now.

I mean, I think there's something to all the technology, which ironically shelters people a little bit more than we were when we were just like. Re let loose to do whatever we were gonna do and like figure out how to do things and take care of yourself and, yeah. Yeah. Different 

Tracy: times. Well, I also went to Catholic school and at my Catholic school it was if a girl got pregnant, she was kicked out.

The boy wasn't, of course, right. Of course. Of course. The girl. The girl was kicked out, and so I had that, you know. Catholic, like guilt around me. Yeah. Like I can't, I can't do this. And then, and then I had a lot of my friends who actually got pregnant and chose to have an abortion. And when we asked them like, well, were you on birth control?

They literally would answer birth control as a sin. Oh dear. And I was like, I feel like. Maybe having an abortion would be more of a sin. I was gonna say, I was say, 

Patti: yeah, for rating sins. 

Tracy: I mean, if we're gonna put 'em on like the scales of justice, of where sins are, like it just, we're gonna do like it was, it was, I mean, that was their answer.

It was. We've been told our whole lives that birth control is a sin and you shouldn't do it. But then you have, you know, 14 and 15 and 16 year olds getting pregnant and not wanting to be kicked outta school and not wanting their parents to cut 'em outta the house and not, you know, at least we had the option, um, in California.

Yeah, yeah. Um, there. Uh, but that was, you know, when it was just, you know, me and my friends talking and figuring stuff out on her own, um, very, yeah. My, my, my parents never once talked to me about sex. Or anything having to do with it at all? Nothing. I not, there was not, I never had the talk. Right. That, that has never happened.

The talk. Yeah. So I definitely have done things differently with my kids. Um, I've, and being in my field in psychology, and especially in developmental psychology, which is my specialty, you know, I know how important it is. To make sure kids know about their body, know the correct terms for their body, um, their body parts.

We, there's actually research that shows that children that know the correct terms for their body parts are actually less likely to get sexually abused, 

Jan: really, 

Tracy: because they can speak more. Clearly about it and they know their boundaries and things like that, so, you know, not calling it the wee we hoo hoo ha ha.

Or 

Jan: down there, that's 

Tracy: the thing. Yeah. Down there, down there, swimsuit area. It's like, what does that mean, my belly button? Like, 

Patti: yeah. Well, I would imagine it also lessens a lot of the shame that's around our body, right? Yeah. When you're, when you're armed with the actual words of it, it's less intimidating.

It's. Less shameful because you can say, my vagina versus my bathing suit area or my whatever. Insert cute, cutesy, putsy, whatever term. And like, I think that allows you to, I mean, it also is like it, it allows you to own it. I think a little bit different too, because it's my vagina. It has a word, it has a, you know, I think that's.

That makes a lot of sense. 

Tracy: Yeah, it does. So since my kids, my, I had my daughter, you know, I mean, she was maybe four or five. I got her this book, it's one, one of my favorite books, actually, it was one of her favorite books at the time. And it's called, it's Not the Stork. Um, and it pretty much Oh, that's so cute.

It's, yeah, it's a great, it's a fantastic book. It is right on the age level of like. Five and six year olds. And it gives a very basic understanding of anatomy and how, how babies are made and how there's different types of families. Um, and that all of this is, you know, normalized at a very early age. Um, and my daughter loved that book.

She would always bring it out and my poor husband would always be like, oh God, we gotta read that book. 

Jan: That's great. I'm gonna check into that. He wasn't 

Tracy: a, a huge fan of that. And I think the funniest part is my, my daughter. You know, I, I, what's important, very important for raising children who are aware of their, what sex is and sexuality in general, is to always keep the conversation going, and always have it, you know, answer their questions and don't go too far over, like answer them basically, and then see if they need more, right?

Because. You know, sometimes they're, they don't need the fool thing. They just need, you know, a small thing, right? So she, you know, she was always very interested in different things and she, one day we were reading, and, you know, we, they talk about like how boys have so much sperm and you only need one to make a baby.

She said, well, what happens to all the other sperm? Mommy? And I say, well, they get absorbed and they, they die off. Um, and she started crying. And she is like, well, really, all the other sperm died. That's so sad.

Jan: That's so cute. She's, 

Tracy: she was so sad for it and I was like, I don't think I've had ever seen anyone cry over over sperm, but that's, uh, that's pretty hilarious. And I was like, yep. Yep. Um, I mean, that was it. And then there was another time when she was maybe seven. Seven or eight. And, uh, we're in the car and she said she, I don't know why we saw birds.

And she's like, birds lay eggs. And she's like, wouldn't it be funny if people ate eggs? And I said, I said, yeah, that would be funny. But then we'd have to sit on them like they do in a nest. And, and I said, but you know, all, you know, pretty much mammals, you know, including, I'm like, we know, you know, that women have eggs.

Our ours are just inside. And she's like, okay. And then she, we were driving and nothing happened. And then she's like. But how exactly does the sperm get to the egg? Oh. And so I was like, okay, we're going to this conversation now. I was like, well, um, the man puts his penis in the woman's vagina and the sperm come out of it and they swim up and they, and they make it to the egg, and one of them makes it to the egg.

And if that happens, then there may be a baby that, you know, comes nine months later and she's like, oh, okay. And I was like, all right, we're done. You know, keep driving good, do do listening to our little happy, you know, Mickey Mouse clubhouse music. And then like literally five minutes later, nothing. She said nothing.

And just outta the blue. She said, so daddy put his penis in your vagina. 

Patti: Oh no. 

Jan: Oh, that is adorable. 

Tracy: That's so amazing. 

Jan: That's so funny. 

Tracy: How 

Jan: great. Yeah, 

Tracy: I almost crashed the car on that one. Like, I'm glad you come to these epiphanies while we're driving. Yeah. Do that're so 

Jan: curious, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. 

Tracy: But, but you know, it's, it's talking, you know, it's just that continual talking about, whereas, you know, this is happen whereas my generation happen and these are the differences and you're gonna get, she started getting hair in her armpits.

She's like, what does this mean? And I was like, you're gonna start going through puberty and you're gonna have your differences. And we talked about her period and what that was gonna be like. And you know, when, when I read the book to my son, he was so uninterested in it. He couldn't care less about anybody's anatomy or anything about it.

He was just like, all right, I get it now. That's great. He's like, this is my penis and this is scrotum I'm, we will have sperm at some point the end. I was like, yep. Well, that's pretty much it. 

Jan: But that's so great to normalize it for kids, you know? Yeah, he, he does. Um, because back in my generation, no one talked about it at all, you know?

And if you did, it was, you know, really like, dirty, you know, like you shouldn't be saying those things. So that's great, Tracy. Yeah, 

Tracy: I mean, I think I, it's true now still. I mean, my kids have me as a mom and I am knowledgeable, progressive in that. To get this, you know, like I got my daughter a book on, it was called like The Girl's Guide to Puberty or something, and I let her read it on her own and said, if you have any questions about it, come and ask me.

And her friends would come over and it would be like they were reading like a band book. Like they would be like, oh, right. Like, oh, we're reading the book. You know, especially around these 

Patti: parts, 

Tracy: says vagina in it and says, you know, penis. And I'm sure their parents probably weren't too happy about that, but.

I don't, I don't ban any books from being read. So I, I gave her that better, better 

Jan: they get it from books rather than real life experience when they don't know what's going on, you 

Tracy: know? Yeah. And that's what I really found when I, I mean, when I started teaching, um, I didn't teach human sexuality at first.

I mostly just taught lifespan development. And we talked a little bit about puberty, but we, um. Really the importance is you don't wait until puberty to talk to your kids. Mm-hmm. About puberty and sex. And it doesn't have to. That's a great idea. Be the full shebang of everything, but having them understand the differences between male and female bodies and that this is yours and no one's allowed to touch it.

Right. And you know, unless you give them permission or you know, and something like that, like let them know those. Things, you know, as soon as possible, as soon as they understand that stuff, um, is really important. Um, and just continuing the conversation. And again, just making sure that you know what they're asking before you go any further.

Like say a little bit and then wait to see do they want more. And if they do, then move forward, like move at their pace. Um, but my, one of my colleagues had a pretty funny, uh. Thing happened where she's a biology professor and her daughter came downstairs one day and she was like 12, 12, 13. And she said, mom, what's an orgasm?

And she said she was like making dinner. And she said, um, well, she's like, it has to do with sex. Do you want to know more? And her daughter's eyes got huge. And she's like, so it's not the plural of organism, she says. 

Jan: Oh, that's hysterical organism. Ah. 

Tracy: She said, no, no, that's not what it is. And she's like, okay, no, uh, that's all.

And she like, ran away. 

Patti: I love that. I love that idea of. Not getting flustered in the moment and being like, okay, this is it. I have to have the talk. And you kind of overshare and over explain, but that you take it in small bits and say, okay, here's what's the necessary information to answer this question.

Mm-hmm. And now let's see where we go from there. And allow them to sort of lead the conversation in a way that feels safe and comfortable while they're supported. That's so brilliant and seems so basic and obvious. But so many people, I think whether it's discomfort in speaking about it or you know, lack of knowledge, just sort of.

Don't do that. Yeah, 

Tracy: no, 100%. And I see that more now, you know, since we've been in Texas that so many of my teenagers that come into school at 17, 18, 19, 20 years old never had, you know, the talk, you know, or whatever. Their parents really didn't, and they had then they don't know anything. Like they have really, I mean, I have been blown away by the lack of knowledge in some of these college students on how, how pregnancy works, how birth control works, you know how like pretty much everything, I mean, a lot of the boys.

Have no idea about their anatomy. Really. Yeah. They do not understand how sperm is made. They do not understand how it gets from the scrotum, you know, out through the penis about how, what pro the prostate plays in that. Like they have, they don't know, like it's, when I'm teaching it to them, they're just like, whoa, what's your interest 

Jan: there?

Tracy: You know? And a lot of them thought that if you got a vasectomy, it meant that they took your balls. That's what a vasectomy was, that they just, and I was like, okay, now that's castration. 

Jan: Mm-hmm. 

Tracy: We don't, we don't really do, do that really anymore for any, for any reason, unless it's like a really big medical concern that that's, that you have to, you know, testicular cancer, things like that.

Um, you know, like, here's the VAs difference. Here's where they make the incision and here's, you know, why that works. And how, and they're all just like, like flab. Like, whoa. That's what it is. Like they don't, the internal workings of their own body, they know very little about. Um, and of course even they know even less about female bodies, 

Patti: right?

Yeah, 

Tracy: yeah. But the, the female I, I have. One of the biggest things I've had my female students say is, oh, I don't have to take my tampon out when I pee. And I'm like, yeah, no, those are different holes. Yeah. And they did not know that. They thought there pretty much was like one hole there for pee and menstruation and babies.

Mm-hmm. And poophole. And that was it. Right. And I was like, no. And know there's, and then they, I mean, they were just literally, were like, what? Like they, I mean, they had that little idea of how their, how their bodies worked and what was mm-hmm. Going on, uh, down there. 

Patti: Yeah. Yeah. I, I mentioned in, in, uh, one of our last episodes that that was something that.

My mother told me was that I, uh, urinate out of my clitoris. And so that was something I believed for quite a while until my ex told me otherwise at the time. And he was like, no, no, no, no. I hate to break it to you Patty, but that's great. But yeah, I was kind of in that party of people. I would've been a student in your class being like, I pee outta my clitoris.

Um. 

Tracy: Well, at least you knew the correct name for a part of your body. 

Patti: True. It's true. So, so have you found over time, since you've started, 'cause how long have you been teaching these classes For quite a long time, right? 

Tracy: Um, yeah, for, for over 20 years now. So it's been a while. Wow. That's great. Have you found That feels weird to say.

Like, I feel like old, I'm like, I've been teaching since the seventies, but 20 years. 2005. Yeah, 

Patti: so, so in that, have you. Found, like, have, have you, since the, when you first started teaching this to now, have you had to drastically or change your curriculum over the ti over the years as you've seen sort of the knowledge or lack of knowledge that, that people have?

Like you're, you're coming to the game saying, oh, they're gonna know this stuff, and then you're like, oh boy, no, you don't. And so we've gotta kind of scale back to some basic knowledge. 

Tracy: Yeah, I do that more so like in, in the human sexuality class we have, I mean. It's all focused towards that. So there's a lot of knowledge and it's just in that, in the human section.

I mean, in the, um, human development class, uh, I spend more time talking about it, about these issues, like from the time they're little, um, and talking about that. I even talk about it even as we start the, the semester when we start talking about, uh, prenatal development and birth. Um. Because again, a lot of, a lot of people don't even know that conception happens in the fallopian tube.

Mm-hmm. Like, they don't understand what that is. Um, and so, you know, I have to kind of pull back a little bit and be like, okay, let's go to the basics of like, you know, what the ovaries do and how, where eggs go through and how this works and, um, and why it's important to talk to kids about it. The whole, the whole time.

Um. Uh, in the human sexuality class, it's a little bit easier because I have more time to spend with them just talking about very specific subjects. Mm-hmm. Like we have a, you know, we have a chapter just on birth control where I can go over the different types and what's going on, and that's another thing that they have.

I mean, I've, I've heard the craziest things. I, I've heard people tell, students have told me that. Birth control pills mean that you, if you take birth control pills, it means you have a bunch of dead babies in your uterus and that a birth control pill, you still get pregnant, but the baby just like stays inside of you.

It doesn't get out. Oh my God. So every month you're just having like babies? I'm just a walking 

Patti: graveyard. 

Tracy: Yeah. It's like. Like an embryonic gravy happening in there and that's what's, what's going on. And I was like, oh no. Wow. That's not how it works. Um, they don't understand that hormonal birth control makes it so that you don't ovulate that, that therefore, if there is no egg to fertilize, you'll not get pregnant.

There's no pregnancy right. Yeah. And that there's non-hormonal forms of birth control that some people have to take. Um, and that they have to work differently. Right. And they do different things. And I mean, I've. I show them the correct way to put a condom on. I, I used to be able to have Planned Parenthood come and they did a fantastic presentation on the different types of birth control that have been used like since the beginning of time.

Um, because it's all, yeah, really, it's really interesting the, the, the, the historical ways that would, uh, do so is 

Jan: Planned Parenthood not able to do it anymore or is it Oh, we are not allowed to bring them on campus. Yeah, that's what I was gonna say. I bet. 

Tracy: I was you in 

Jan: Texas? I don't know. We're in Texas.

Yeah. Yeah. I get it. 

Tracy: I, I was told that they do not align with our values. 

Jan: I 

Tracy: see. And I wasn't sure. I was like, I don't know what that means. We're a Publix college, we're not, you know, affiliated to anything, our values and what would that be? Right. So I, yeah, I was told I could not do that anymore. Um. So that, that sucked.

Jan: Yeah. 

Tracy: Yeah. 

Jan: Yeah. 

Tracy: But, um, let see, a couple other weird things. Um, they thought they couldn't get pregnant and if they had sex outside when it was cold. Yes. That sperm, but only when it's cold. Yes, sure. Because the, the sperm freezes. Yes. The sperm, I guess, is unable to migrate. I don't know. And but it had to be cold chili.

Yeah. Lower swimmer. Yeah. Swimming's harder that they, that's when you can't get pregnant. Um, you can't get pregnant in the hot tub. Mm-hmm. That was another one. Sure. Because the sperm, I know, boil to death. Um, so that can happen. Uh, you can't get pregnant if the girl's on top because all the sperm just fall out.

Um, and so. You know, they still think they can't get pregnant the first time they have sex. 

Jan: Right. 

Tracy: They can't get pregnant when they're on their period. Um Right. They can't get 

Patti: pregnant. I'm sure they think if, if, uh, he doesn't ejaculate in her. 

Tracy: Oh yeah. Pull out method. Big time. Yeah. I actually had a husband and wife take my class together.

Uh, and that was real interesting because he was an oversharer and she was not. And so I think I know what that is. Yes. And he did share that their method was pullout method. And I said, that is not a great, like there's, you can still get pregnant that way. And she, she was like hiding under the table because.

Right. Why are you sharing this with everybody? Um, but they, yeah, they really do think that that is a, you know, a plausible, you know, type of birth control and it, it is not. None of those are, but again, they don't get any type of real. Talking to about sexuality at home. Yeah. 

Patti: And they 

Tracy: don't get it in school.

Yeah. You know, they just started in talking about a little bit about birth control in our schools here in Texas. Um, but they pretty much are abstinence only education for the most part. That's just too bad. 

Patti: Yeah. 

Tracy: Which is why Texas always has one of the highest rates of teenage pregnancy and Oh, it does.

We are number one in the country really on multiple teenage pregnancies. So we are, we are the, yes, we are the state that has more multiple teenage pregnancies in any other states. 

Patti: Everything's 

Tracy: bigger in Texas. Yeah, that's right. Including our teenagers. Having babies don't necessarily 

Jan: that great. 

Tracy: Yeah.

Jan: Interesting. 

Patti: I wonder. How many adults that are having children don't know these things as well. Right? Like for me, right where my mom is the one that gave me false information because that's what she believed, that's what she understood, wherever that information came from, right? I wonder how many adults are continuing in their life not having this information because.

Either their mothers forgot to tell them or their mothers didn't know either. Because it is sort of a, a failing of information and a lack of general knowledge and interest in, you know, 'cause maybe people are afraid if they Google search vagina anything, they're, they, they'll get porn or they'll be flagged in some way or it looks a certain way.

And, you know, it's, it's really interesting and I wonder also how that will continue to change. Now that these younger generations have grown up with access to information and like, if that's gonna change over time, the knowledge that people have, because they'll have been able to research as they want to, even secretly on their phone at night, you know, about their body and things like that.

Tracy: Mm-hmm. Yeah. I, I, I don't know. I'm, I'm getting my first, uh, group of COVID kids coming to college now who were in. High school and the end there. Oh yeah, the end of school. Oh my gosh. So school, they were 

Jan: all online then, right? 

Tracy: Yeah. So they're, uh, they're, I'll see, I'll see what, what I get from them. I think it's gonna be interesting to see, um, how, what they.

What our little COVID kids know, um, as they start, um, coming in, they're, we, we think they're this digital generation that knows everything. Um, and then it turns out that they're, they're not that great actually at finding the right 

Patti: information. Hmm. Right. 

Tracy: And there's a lot of bad information out there.

Patti: Right. That's a good point is even if they're searching, there's, it's hard now to, to know what's credible and what's real and the stuff. You're right. I mean, how many people of that generation are relying on tick. Talk for valid information that is so far from Correct. That's a great point. So Tracy, 

Jan: what would you recommend then, where people, I mean, like if there's listeners all over, uh, United States, not just Texas 

Tracy: mm-hmm.

Jan: Uh, what would you recommend for resources that are good? Uh, for, I mean, 

Tracy: there's so many really good books written for mm-hmm. Kids of all ages on this. Mm-hmm. But even. Older, you know, adults can never read, you know, these books that talk about, um, their bodies. Um, um, my body, uh, what was Our Bodies, ourselves has this website.

That's really good. Yeah. Um, planned Parenthood has a website that's really good, gives a lot of good information. Um, you know, going to a.org is always better than going to a.com. Uh, I have to be real careful and when I have my students write papers and stuff, because like I have them write sometimes about, you know, well, we used to have choices in pregnancy choices and, uh.

In Texas, which we no longer have. Um, but when you would Google, um, for the most part when you Google like, um, like abortion or, uh, you know, unwanted pregnancy, the first results all tend to be things that look like they're going to help you and, and tell you about your choices. And they all are actually.

Religious run websites. Right. That look very legitimate, but are all about just saying you have to have the baby. Wow. And I have to show them the bias. Right. And like, look and see the bias. And sometimes they'll even have like a tab like abortion, but they'll put in, they'll all that will be, there will be things like women who have abortions are more likely to have breast cancer and are gonna have, you know, cervical cancer.

Exactly. Like all these like scary things. Yeah. Listed. For them. So I, I have to be intentional in how I tell them to look up information and where to go to. Um, unfortunately that's getting harder to find as even our, you know, like the CDC and the NIH used to be good places to go and we're, they're taking down the sites that give good information, um, these days.

Uh, but definitely yeah, the internet is, you know, not the best for looking stuff up unless you go to these more vetted websites mm-hmm. Um, to try to learn more about it, which I encourage everyone to do. And I know it's un can be really uncomfortable to talk to kids, but it's way more uncomfortable to try and sit down with a 16-year-old boy and talk to him about puberty and sex than it is to have had small conversations along the way.

Jan: Right. 

Tracy: So that it doesn't, it's not just this one big, like, let me tell you everything, when they've already heard a whole bunch of stuff from their friends, like, this is you. If you don't talk to your kid till they're 16, like they're just gonna be embarrassed and not want to hear it because they've heard it from their friends and their friends', older siblings, and gotten all this information from them.

That's, you know, right or not right. And. It, I, we do, we wanna try to avoid that as much as possible. Mm-hmm. But adults definitely need to have an understanding of their own bodies and how things work as well. Um, but there's a lot of great books out there. There's a lot of great ways that you can, you know, make yourself aware of your inner workings.

Um, and both men and women need to have more and better understanding of that. For sure. 

Jan: Well, I think I, I, I, like, I've never heard this kind of method you're talking about is starting when they're young and giving 'em a little bit for them to digest and when they get more curious, they ask for more. But you know, it's this slow, gradual buildup, which is really smart, rather than trying to pour it all on at like, you know, when they're in eighth grade or something, or high school or whatever.

Yeah. 

Tracy: And just answering their questions. You know, like, you know, my son would ask like, what's a period? And I would say, well, you know, remember how we know how women have eggs. And then I, we, I just talked about how the female body builds up a place in case there's a baby. But if there is no baby, then the tissues and stuff that would would've supported the baby have to come out.

And so they come out and women bleed for a few days while that happens. And then he was like, does it hurt? And sometimes, you know, but we, we have cramps. I don't go into the whole like cervix widening or any of that. Um. Not quite there yet at 12, but, you know, uh, yeah. But, but when he asks questions, I'm, I'm gonna answer them.

I'm going to, to give Maria a thought. That's great. 'cause your first instinct is to just be like, go watch tv. Right? Right. 

Jan: Yeah. Like, I don't wanna talk about, 

Tracy: this is scary to talk about. Um, but it, or they think 

Jan: that, that if the kid, if you don't tell your kids about it, they won't have sex. Which is ridiculous.

Right. And they think that if they don't know, and I don't talk to 'em about it, maybe they won't ever experiment. You know, like, like, oh, come on, gimme a break. 

Tracy: No, it's not. And I mean, the statistics are that between 80 and 90% of high school seniors will have had some form of sexual contact before they read school.

Oh, interesting. 80 to 

Jan: 90%. That's high. 

Tracy: Yeah. Yeah. Wow. They're, they, and they're starting, they start young, like they're, and again, they're not, and girls aren't. Talked about having their own sexual agency. They're not talked about the fact that they don't have to do things if they don't want to. Mm-hmm. Um, um, a lot of my female students report that their first sexual experience, whatever it was, was not, they didn't wanna do it consensual.

It wasn't consensual. Yeah. It was either, it was either non-consensual or they were kind of bullied into it. Right. They were their, their boyfriend said, if you loved me, you do this. You know, everybody else is doing it. Yes. Everyone else is doing it. Like, I don't wanna have to break up with you, but if you're not gonna do this, then yeah.

You know, blah, blah, blah. Like they're coer coerced, uh, almost. I mean, I, it's the majority of my female students report that they were coerced in some way, or it was, you know, some sort of, uh. Unconsensual, um, of whatever it was, but that they, it wasn't their choice. Yeah. They were not the ones wanting it, it wasn't a mutual talk between them and their partner.

Um, it was more of a, you know, oh, I'll get blue balls and you know, this. Yeah. 

Patti: Yeah. 

Tracy: Well I 

Patti: remember a few years ago or so, uh, I was with your daughter, with my niece and we were driving somewhere and she said something to me to the effect of she was one of the few people left in her school that was still a virgin.

And I was like, and I think she might've been even at like. I can't remember. It was like either the end of middle school or like a freshman in high school and I was like, honey, that is not true. But like that was a belief that she had because these are things she was hearing in school or maybe from somebody that she was spending time with or whatever, but like.

You know, I'm grateful that she had said that, so that I could say, well, that's not true. And you know, and I think kind of proof of, you know, Tracy, the way that you raised them, you know that, that she's also come to me with very specific language, asking me very specific questions about things because she felt safe doing so and she knew what she was asking and talking about.

And that was really great because I was able to be like. After I internally freaked out for a moment and then was like, okay, like, great. Now let's answer this question. I mean, I'm, 

Tracy: I'm so lucky that I have you. Like I am an only child, so you are my sister and uh, and I'm your sister. All you have stupid brothers.

Thats true. But, uh. Like, I'm so glad that you're here. Um, I know we don't live in the best place, but that she has you because I know there's things she doesn't wanna talk to me about because I'm the mom. It doesn't matter. I I'm the coolest mom in the world. Yeah. If you wanna talk about like, who's gonna know about everything about this, it's gonna be me, but I know she's still, I'm still mom.

Jan: Right, 

Tracy: right. And she still wants to have someone else to be able to talk. And I love that she has you as another adult to come to that she knows she can be open with and talking to and. I wish every child had that had someone besides, besides their parent. Because as much as we wanna know everything, like, I mean, I obviously didn't tell my mom everything or anything.

Right. I mean, as far as I know, my mom thinks I had sex twice and now I have two kids. That's great. So, yeah, it's, uh, uh, I'd like, it would be great if, see if kids had that, but even if they don't, even if they don't have an Auntie Patty in their life, um, having parents that are open to it is just so very important.

Or a therapist. A good 

Jan: therapist. 

Patti: Yeah. 

Tracy: Cool. 

Jan: And at school? Yes, definitely school therapist, right? I mean, I, they, I think most schools, well, I don't know about Texas here, has some kind of counseling benefit for high school students, so. 

Tracy: Yeah. Yeah. They, I, I can say they're, they're, they're not the best here in Texas.

And what they're probably we're, if they 

Jan: went into the school, they'd probably be shut down. Like, well, you shouldn't be having sex and you know, you're gonna die from this if you keep doing, you know, I could see it be, you know, like really rigid thinking. But yeah, not here in Massachusetts, here, you know, we're, we're like California, so yeah.

Tracy: My students who come from Chicago, who come from California, who come from a lot of the East Coast states, Northern east Coast states, like they, they were just like, what are you guys talking about? Like in high school we had, they told us everything. Like they brought in models and, you know, showed us how to do this and how everything works.

And my students from here were like, what? Like talk to you about that in high school. Yeah. And they were just like, yeah, like they gave us condoms. 

Patti: Yeah, I'm really grateful. I grew up in, in San Francisco, um, and going to a San Francisco public school, like I really got, even though I wasn't there for a lot of school, one, I was there, especially in my health class, I did get good information and I was well informed and they did do models of things.

Whether or not I retained that information, clearly not all of it, but you know, it, it was there and it was available. Um, and that was really amazing to have. And I know that's not something that all places have, especially in some of these states. 

Tracy: We kind of call it the inverted t like going down the middle of America and then across, that's where we see a lot of the abstinence only programs, especially here in the south, um, and in the Midwest area, um, that, uh, don't, you know, and those are where we have the most teenage pregnancies and Yep.

That's also where we're losing the most abortion rights and Yep. Rights for, yep. They're even trying to take birth control away now. 

Jan: Yep. So, oh man, 

Tracy: I've stocked up on Plan B pills and I've let my daughter know I have them. And I've said if your friends need them or if you need them, like I have them and I'm not gonna ask why, and I'm not gonna do anything if you just tell me you need them and I will give 'em to you.

Um, I'm, 

Jan: and what are you talking 

Tracy: about, Tracy Plan B. Oh, so plan. Yeah, so plan B pills are like the, or the morning after pill. The morning after pill. 

Jan: Yeah. Okay. Right? 

Tracy: Mm-hmm. Um, and again, they, people don't know a lot about that either. Like it does, it's not an abortion pill, right? There are abortion pills where you have a medical abortion that's different.

Plan B stops you from ovulating, so that. If you haven't ovulated, hopefully it'll not make you not ovulate so that the sperm can't meet the egg. It doesn't ensure you won't get pregnant, but it cuts it down significantly. 

Jan: Yeah. 

Tracy: Um, but if you have already ovulated and a spur and you've had sex, like there, you, you can still it too pregnant.

Um, with the prime pill, the pill's not 

Patti: going to do anything about that. 

Tracy: Correct. It's not, it is not an abortion pill. Um, even though they, like, they like to call it that and yeah. There's, there's lots of things they like to call things that aren't true. 

Patti: Yeah, yeah. 

Tracy: Whereas, so yeah. 

Patti: Yeah. This is so great. This is so helpful and, and it's just, it's such a fascinating look at the way we all learn about our bodies in this.

Country specifically, I mean potentially the world, but definitely in this country, the lack of knowledge or the areas where there is a little bit more knowledge. 

Jan: Yeah, the invert, the inverted T is the inverted 

Patti: T, 

Jan: but unfortunately. It's not gonna happen right 

Patti: now. Yeah. We've got a little time 'cause of the other tea, so Yeah.

But 

Tracy: yeah, we're, we're not exactly going in a direction where it's gonna be helpful for women especially, um, and, and women's reproductive health. Yeah, for sure. Right? 

Patti: Yeah. But the beautiful thing is there are people, uh, like us sharing information. This is our way of sort of being here during these times to share information.

You stocking up on plan B, you teaching in school, you saying if your friends need support, here I am. You know, like there are so many people and we have a local community that we're a part of here, um, in Texas that are really big on that. And you are not the only one that has. Stockpiled plan B, um, in that community.

And so I think that the, the really amazing thing is that there are people right now that while there is information being pulled, um, are out there being like, good, well here's information. I'm gonna continue to, to provide information to people who need it and who are interested in it, and kind of stand up to what, what we're at during this time.

So, you know, we can support each other through it. 

Tracy: Yeah, a hundred percent. 

Patti: Yeah. Well, this is great. Uh, thank you for, do you have any questions or anything else, Jan, on your end to No, thank you, Tracy. I really have learned a 

Jan: lot just listening to you. Thank you for coming on. Yeah. Thank you guys for having 

Tracy: me.

It's exciting. My first podcast. I know. It's exciting. Yeah. Thank you. Keep doing what you're doing. I'll, I don't plan on, I don't plan on stopping. I'd say you need the, I need the income right. 

Jan: Thanks for listening to the podcast. If you like what you've heard, please share it with friends, subscribe and leave a 

Patti: review.

And remember, information shared on this podcast is not medical advice. If you have a concern about your physical or mental health, please seek support from a professional. 

Jan: If you have a story you'd like to share about things your mother forgot to mention. You can apply to be a guest. 

Patti: We'd also love to hear a quick 92nd thing you've learned in your life.

You can find links to both of those over at our website at things my mother forgot to mention.com or in the show notes. Thank you.